Cashew's quick and dirty slash fic biology lesson
Badly written porn makes Cashew cringe. Somethings to keep in mind:
1. If a dick is "painfully digging into [your] prostate", it's not going to be pleasurable. It also means you should go to the doctors' and get things checked out, because prostate stimulation shouldn't hurt (in general). And if you're trying for sadomasochism, fluffy is not the way to go about this.
2. Saliva is plenty enough lubrication to get one finger into the rimming action without damage to your partner, honest.
3. If your character is in a position where he's facing the bed with his ass up and getting the hell rimmed out of him by his lover, most likely the precome isn't going to be dripping down his cock toward his balls. Just...gravity people. Dribble some lube on your finger and position it around a bit and see where the liquid flows. (Obviously, if you're in zero-gravity, this dribbling issue is less of a dribbling and more of a stochastic flow, but since no one writes zero-gravity sex...)
You know, in general, it might be good for smut writers to have some dolls for whatever position they're trying to write, so they can keep the gravitational force clear, instead of this attempt at cut&pasting porn from other people. This is especially helpful for those who seem to have spatial visualization problems.
4. You cannot have "brows of sunshine". Actually, try avoiding metaphors as much as you can in a smut fic; all they do is serve to detract from the hotness.
5. The end of the spine is the tailbone a.k.a. coccyx, which is tucked away happily under enough fat to prevent damage when sitting on it. If your character is biting on it, I don't want to know about it. Also, gory much? (Try sitting back, feel the pressure between the upper end of the buttcheeks? That pressure's being supported by the coccyx, which is inside your body. Your lover should not be biting it during pleasurable sex.)
6. "No offense" in the middle of a smut fic is not right. Even more so when you were just talking about how your character has mastered all types of foreplay. Because seriously, no one's taking offense, the phrase is just...wut?
7. "That part of his body" is not particularly specific or helpful. If you can't even bring yourself to name the body part in question, don't write smut about it.
Yeah, I know, not all of these are biological fuck ups, but sometimes the bad porn just needs to go away. Gyah.
1. If a dick is "painfully digging into [your] prostate", it's not going to be pleasurable. It also means you should go to the doctors' and get things checked out, because prostate stimulation shouldn't hurt (in general). And if you're trying for sadomasochism, fluffy is not the way to go about this.
2. Saliva is plenty enough lubrication to get one finger into the rimming action without damage to your partner, honest.
3. If your character is in a position where he's facing the bed with his ass up and getting the hell rimmed out of him by his lover, most likely the precome isn't going to be dripping down his cock toward his balls. Just...gravity people. Dribble some lube on your finger and position it around a bit and see where the liquid flows. (Obviously, if you're in zero-gravity, this dribbling issue is less of a dribbling and more of a stochastic flow, but since no one writes zero-gravity sex...)
You know, in general, it might be good for smut writers to have some dolls for whatever position they're trying to write, so they can keep the gravitational force clear, instead of this attempt at cut&pasting porn from other people. This is especially helpful for those who seem to have spatial visualization problems.
4. You cannot have "brows of sunshine". Actually, try avoiding metaphors as much as you can in a smut fic; all they do is serve to detract from the hotness.
5. The end of the spine is the tailbone a.k.a. coccyx, which is tucked away happily under enough fat to prevent damage when sitting on it. If your character is biting on it, I don't want to know about it. Also, gory much? (Try sitting back, feel the pressure between the upper end of the buttcheeks? That pressure's being supported by the coccyx, which is inside your body. Your lover should not be biting it during pleasurable sex.)
6. "No offense" in the middle of a smut fic is not right. Even more so when you were just talking about how your character has mastered all types of foreplay. Because seriously, no one's taking offense, the phrase is just...wut?
7. "That part of his body" is not particularly specific or helpful. If you can't even bring yourself to name the body part in question, don't write smut about it.
Yeah, I know, not all of these are biological fuck ups, but sometimes the bad porn just needs to go away. Gyah.
Posted at 05:19 pm



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